Now, how many of you play this game and how often do you play it? I used to be the master of this and at the time I thought it was so real, but I usually didn’t feel good when I was doing it. Generally, I would have had feelings of anger, resentment, disbelief and in the end those feelings only hurt me. I’m sure this holds true for many.
Who is to blame for things? Where does it all come from? Let’s take a recent example of a person I was coaching. She did not like her manager and felt he was condescending and did not give her the respect she deserved. I asked her how she felt about this and her reply was angry, insecure and that she did not like being around him. How well do you think she performed whilst feeling angry, insecure and not wanting to be around her manager, and exactly who was she hurting by feeling this way?
Now, it’s not about “what was said” or “what the manager did,” but about her reality. And what was her reality? She believed it was how the manager was behaving but in fact, it was HOW she responded to the situation that was her truth. So, who is to blame for this and where does our reality originate?
Well, it’s not from the outside. Our reality comes only from within and once we understand this, our state of mind, relationships and experiences change. Imagine how the relationship changed with this woman and her manager once she realised her anger, insecurities and how she experienced things only came from her and nowhere else. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everyone; it just points you to where the experience is coming from and that is within you.
Initially this woman thought, “he never changes and constantly does the same thing,” every time her manager said something that she believed to be condescending. Since then she had the insight and realised that it was her thinking that remained the same so her response of anger and insecurity remained the same. From there the situation naturally evolved once she understood how life works and she doesn’t feel angry and insecure anymore around her manager, but rather just sees the situation for what it is and that her experience 100 % comes from inside.
Now imagine how life would be if you didn’t play The Blame Game?
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